Just Real Wife

Ever wondered how something you wanted so badly, could also leave you in the darkest place mentally and questioning everything? That is where I found myself for the first six months during my pregnancy.

But let’s go back to the beginning!

It was two days after my covid vax (yes another pandemic baby) thinking why and how could I still be so sick from a vaccine.

I googled my endless symptoms for days and days, eventually looking deeper and realized bam! they were also symptoms of pregnancy.

This never crossed my mind since I had only been off the pill for less than a month. We wanted a child in the future and naively thought to allow months for my body to return to ‘normal’ after more than a decade on birth control.

However two little lines later, and our lives are forever changed! The happy tears were flowing (from me) but then it didn’t take long for the roller coaster of endless questions, thoughts, worries, excitement and joy to kick in. Followed by sitting on the bathroom floor emptying my stomach, again!

They say the first trimester is the hardest, which is also what makes it bare able (somewhat!). You know to expect the morning sickness, the anxiety around a new life & secret keeping from your family and friends to all kick in.

First Hump

A few days after learning about my pregnancy I find myself in all sorts of pain. Being a first time mum, I didn’t know what was normal and so the panic set in. I made a phone call and was directed to head to our local hospital. My husband came home from work immediately to take me, every tiny bump in the road, bringing tears to my eyes.

After a few tests and scans we found out I had a large ovarian cyst causing pain and advised it should ease, take pain relief in the meantime and sent on our way. Meaning another joyous car ride home except this time throwing up on the side of the road in the CBD.

A month later in hysterics. Unable to lean over the toilet bowl to vomit, rolling around the bathroom floor in excruciating pain. Pain and fear I am unable to even begin to express. It was this moment when I told my husband I no longer wanted to be alive and I needed him to end my pain.

I’ve never had these thoughts or fears in my life. This moment still haunts me now.

Not long after this, I came too just enough to beg him to call an ambulance as something was seriously wrong. It took the green whistle and two paramedics to get me down the stairs and off to hospital we went. The large ovarian cyst? now not so large; it had ruptured. Some (knock you out) pain relief and finally a few days later the pain began to subside.

The good hump

My husband and I are not BIG people, we’re quiet people. So we weren’t really sure how to announce our news to the family. But what we did know, was that we wanted to tell them straight away.

Generally society says you should wait until 12 weeks to tell people. We said screw society and it’s rules!

If our journey was to change and we were dealing with grief, why wouldn’t we want the people closest to us to be there and help us through.

It’s a decision all of us need to make for ourselves, but I didn’t feel the need to hide it and suffer silently if things don’t go to plan.

Not to mention, having to come up with a lie as to why you’re not drinking at family dinners!

Turns out for us, no regrets. Telling our families was definitely a highlight.

The happy tears, the joy, the excitement by simply showing them an ultrasound of a tiny little pea!

Second Hump

By this point the ‘morning sickness’ had taken over and consumed my life. I was unable to go to work due to my every second of the day sickness. I had used up all my sick leave within a month. Fortunately my work allowed me to work from home (thank you covid era).

Throughout my pregnancy, I was told you have to eat healthy, eat healthier than you’ve ever eaten before. Your baby is relying on all your nutrients.

Sounds good in theory right?

For me it was about eating anything that didn’t hurt coming back up. So I survived on grilled cheese!

I also found a little salvation in frozen coke! This was basically the only drink I could stomach. My husband stopping by maccas almost every night on his way home from work. Luckily my addiction was only a $1 drink!

Eventually I was prescribed Ondansetron. Initially reducing my vomiting and nausea, allowing me to stomach water curbing my extreme dehydration. However drowsy side effects meant I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat. Unable to leave the house, struggling to get out of bed, and falling asleep into my laptop nearly every day.

I thought “it’ll disappear after twelve weeks” and “this is just first trimester hormones”

…. right?